i’ve been pulling my hair out trying to juggle my summer schedule to meet the demands of travel sessions i have had requests for— while still you know, remaining something other than a ghost to my kids and uncle marty.

sadly this has meant i can’t go to every destination i originally would have wanted. i want you to know that truly depresses me. when i know there are spectacular families out there who could take up a new special place in my heart that i don’t get to meet–well i hate that. but there’s always october and spring 2013 i always say!

a few things to bear in mind:

-these dates do not include the previous travel dates i announced awhile back as all slots for sessions have been booked.

- i have had a good amount of interest expressed in each of these places so if you think you wanna make it happen, book fast! this isn’t even a sales ploy, its the cold hard truth!

-how much does it cost and how do you book? the flat rate for all travel sessions is $950 and includes a full res disk of your edited images with a print relase to go hog wild. Fee is due upon booking, just send me an email to photography.yan@gmail.com and i will send you  time slot choices and an invoice.

so without further ado, travel dates through september are as follows:

Seattle/Porland: July 12-14

Washington DC: August  15,16

NYC – 1 SESSION ONLY THE EVENING OF AUG 17TH

Chicago: August 30-31st

Utah County: September 13-14 

Charlotte: September 27th -29th

added new dates!

Atlanta: October 12-13

thanks y’all. i hope to hear from you!

that’s the only disclaimer i’m going to make about this fancy video interview of me from the radtastic kelli france over at chiccritiqueforum.com. if you have a sec to watch it, please tell me what you think! (read: reassure a girl that she didn’t look like an idiot, wink)
though i was nervous and twitchy about the whole thing, i had a great time visiting with kelli. she’s nice! she agreed with everything i said! she borrowed my tanktop! i couldn’t have asked for more. thanks so much kelli for thinking i was worth the time. xoxoxo

I think the best I’ll be able to come up with is a whole lotta random. Possibly even a list of paradoxes that will be eerily reminiscent of an alanis morisette song. The number of typos will be even higher than usual (is that even possible at this point?) and if in the unlikely event I figure out how to get a picture in this thing. I will demand a round of applause from anyone reading this. Right where you are. At home in front of a computer or in public on your phone like me…….

Which brings me back just about full circle.

Oh right, a list:
-my heart feels simultaneously unburdened but heavy
-I am sooo excited for my shoot tomorrow, and soooo excited to go home after that
-I shriek with joy at the sight of a baby. Followed by tears that I have been away from mine for so long
-I have had more meaningful meals with more inspiring people on this trip than I had collectively between the years 2010-2011.
-I am losing myself in a sea of gratitude while finding myself in a blanket of new friendships
-I am trying to think of something funny to improve this list but I can’t.
-I want to live in a wes anderson movie, but keep their cooler than coolness all to myself
-I had cadbury mini eggs and diet coke for breakfast while making an ambitious plan to get back in shape.
-I dislike alanis morisette, but clearly can’t get her influence out Of my head.
-I suddenly wish this list had been not about me but about all the amazing else.

Tomorrows post will be better friends, promise! And when I get my film back on Tuesday, lookout! Aw yeah.

but we both know the reason for our unease is this trip. that i’m leaving. again. that when i get back i will be home for less than a week before leaving the 4 of them for a week of shooting in Califronia. it hurts.

it hurts a lot.

i know what you’re thinking. why the heck are you going then? wppi is just a fun thing, stay home, be with your babies and hubby while you can!

well the funny thing about the living contradiction that i am, is that, i want to go. i need some time for me. time that the pure objective of is to have fun. i do this maybe once a year, if that. and i need it to be more sane, more whole, more me. the me that is separate from mommy, and separate from simply yan the photographer who i am on work trips.

but that doesn’t mean i don’t feel sick. because you see, i’ve got these guys:

and let’s not forget uncle marty, the love of my life.

and i just hate hate hate that i can’t shrink them and put them all in my pocket to take with me. of course a week ago during a long afternoon i was counting down the days and minutes, fantasizing about my time away–but now that its here, i’m a teary emotional mess. and this my friends is the mommy dilemma. i know you’ve been there too, and a lot of you out there probably feel the same way.

interestingly, as i was complaining to my own mom on the phone about how hard it all was–to be a working mom (tip: don’t complain to a mother of 10 who has worked her whole life and still been the most amazing mother in the entire world), she’s the one who put me in my place.

“be tuff anna (what my family always calls me, yet another name, i know, i know). you’re doing it for them. and you can’t do anything in this world without sacrifice.”
“i know,” i said. because i did. even though it kept hurting. and even though today, i still feel sick and stressed. but i know what i’m doing, and what must be done. and sometimes life is just that way.

blogging.

every day.

creating a community right here where we can talk, gripe, and laugh together.

and let’s not forget the pictures, shall we?

i am DONE with overthinking. done with waiting for the perfect thought, the funniest anecdote to share with you.

don’t wait, create. that’s what i tell others. time to practice what i preach.

so here is my promise to y’all. i am gonna be here 6/7 days. saying something. and it might be boring, or self indulgent, or repetitive, or a joke that bellyflops in the most painful way. i’m not going to think so much about that. i’m just going to do my darndest to show up.

i hope you show up once in awhile too.

wait, what’s that, you wanna see a photo? oh alright. =)

i call this series of self-portraits “the right angle.”  you know what i’m talking about. when you try to shoot yourself in the most flattering, possibly deceptive manner and then blast the internet with your photo so people are tricked into thinking you’re a mega babe?  we alllll do it, am i right ladies? i mean, instagram just makes it waayyy too easy. we find our right angle,  then we post, check back every 5 seconds for a new compliment/comment, and respond with some  internet version of, “whaaaat? this old thing?! oh you’re too, too kind.”

hahahaha.

yeeeaaaahhhh–i’m about to post a bunch of junky yan right angles captured with  instagram/fb. here we go. if you follow me on instagram, or are my friend on fb, you’ve already seen most of these. but i don’t know, i think they’re worth another look (wink).

playing up my one true beauty, my hair:

oh hey, i’m sly, yet kinda sexy, yet wise and soulful, and why yes, my hair just happens to look sensational:

not only am i super hot, i’m a mom too!!! totally presh.okay, you caught me, i’ve taken one too many self portraits, but i still think i look good right now, and can’t seem to stop myself from posting just onnnne more:this one was tricky. i wanted to show my man, my outfit, AND jonathan canlas’ rad book, but how to cover up my squishy middle? oh, I’VE got it (bonus points for showing 2 pretty photos of myself in one self portrait!!!):

i did my hair kinda different, but starting to feel stupid about taking so many pictures of myself. oh well it must be done:

and a true low/high point–i got ready at like 4pm specifically for taking a pretty picture of myself, but then i couldn’t bring myself to do it seriously and resorted to scrunch face to make myself feel not quite so vain and narcissistic.

and then we have the harsh reality:

=) thanks for indulging me fine readers. i really hope you got a good chuckle or two in. don’t forget to meet me back here tomorrow. and then M-S of next week, yes, wppi week.

one last thing, if you leave a comment on this post, like i’m praying you do, do you think you can link to a quick photo of yourself? i mean, i’m feeling a little exposed here and would like to be on equal ground. actually, the truth is i so badly want to put faces to your names. even you mom. picture, please. xoxoxo

planning ahead.

yup, i’m packing up my gear  into my junky red camera bag that used to be a bowling bag and is completely impractical because of its lack of compartments, and hitting the road this spirng/summer!

in a way it feels like saying, “i know where i’m not wanted! i’m going where the people love me!” followed by a dramatic door slam.

then when i think about the amazing families who have invited me into their home  territories to document the toes and faces and hugs of those that are most precious to them, i feel humbled and so, so grateful.

so here are the travel dates and locations for Spring 2012 family sessions:

Los Angeles, CA: March 1-3

San Diego: March: 5-6th

San Francisco: March:  7-8

Boise: May 16-19

Utah (provo-slc): May 23-26

NYC: June 1-4th (3rd is blacked out)

Now, here is the thing about booking a travel session with your old pal yan. i am trying to streamline and simplify. what does that mean? it means one flat rate due at the time of booking that covers my time, travel and a CD of the images we create with a fancy print release for you to print as and how you wish. that’s right, a pretty straight forward shoot and burn operation with no strings attached. in doing it this way, i can keep my costs lowerish for both me and you, and hopefully hold onto my sanity! please note that prices may vary somewhat between locations based on travel cost estimates.

so if you want to grab a session in your city during one of these times and want to konw the magic flat rate cost, please email me pronto!

photography.yan @gmail.com

or just click here:
Contact Yan

its first come first serve, and the doors are officially open, hooray! here’s to someone fighting over a slot the way two crazy ladies fight over a pair of boots at a clearance sale! (hey, a girl can dream right?)

not sure what i’m about and if my photography is right for your family? check out my best of 2011 families post here.

p.s. i’m really nice and you should hire me.

for a few days i felt famous!!

then like a villian!

then i was embarrassed!

then i remembered i liked myself, and what i stand for, and what i said!

it was an emotionally up and down few weeks (well technically, up, down, down, up)

but you know what didn’t change from one feeling to another? the why, how and what of  the story behind the blog post. people said what they wanted to say about it—and so many of you said such great things (thank you)—and some of you, not so great things (tears)–and i am {forced smile} totallllly okay with all of it, promise. *wink

but in case you want to hear a little bit more about what i was thinking and who i am, i would listen to this podcast with michael howard of musea:

http://blog.mymusea.com/post/16182413614

warning–its loooong, and well, its my voice. which can get a lil bit annoying. but its also really super cool that michael invited me to be on his podcast–and while you’re over in his territory, be sure to check out his blog, tons of useful and fascinating insights into this whole photography gig. the kind of stuff you haven’t thought of before.

then came podcast numero dose. which is also long, and which also features more of my voice! but not quite as much this time. in fact, i might venture to say you hear more from one very intelligent todd reichman on this one, who incidentally wasn’t a huge fan of my sick of it blog post, OR me..at first.  the podcast is  a fascinating discussion on branding, artistic intregrity, and whether or not art can or should sell itself. i walked away scheming on ways i can improve my business, and if you find yourself in a similar position as me with regard to hoping the phone will ring..annnnnytime now….i encourage you to give it a listen.

http://www.amantofish.com/2012/01/25/podcast_episode_4/

if you do find the time to tune in, i would love to hear your thoughts–like, mom, is my voice really that shrill in real life?

so.

much.

odd (odd but it makes you feel amazing, but you kinda know that in the long run it might not mean anything at all, actually)

recognition.

except my recognition was for sucking. ha. how ’bout that. not the way i’d always fantasized about a viral yan post going down, but it is what it is.

and your support?

has been incredible. beyond that. its been miraculous.

yeah i knew this business was hard. but i didn’t know my experience would resonate with so many-i didn’t know, didn’t want to think that so, so many of you were going through the same thing, or worse.

your words and support left me in a literal state of shock. i couldn’t eat yesterday. i couldn’t move from my couch. i couldn’t pay attention to my kids –okay, i probably could have and should have tried harder there to do so, but i’m making a point here—it just felt like every single last bit of me was engrossed in trying to wrap my mind around what was happening. and that meant i had to stay on my couch. glued to my computer.

for like 4 hours.

to me it went like this: i had blogged, i poured my guts out, i clicked post and in the first 3.7 minutes i began to question what i had done. wondered if it was as momentous as it felt, wondered if anyone would ever read it.

and i started to feel silly. and insecure.

but you did read it.

a lot of you did.

and you linked it.

you tweeted it.

*i realize i don’t really need to give you a recap here, but for the sake of flow, let’s keep going*

you reposted it.

and before i knew it i had 200 comments, an overflowing inbox, regards from south africa, hater posts written on the subject, and someone asking me to do a workshop in sweden.

yeah.

all of which made me feel a million times more silly  than i had in those first few minutes when i thought no one might read it at all.

silly and overwhelmingly grateful.

THANK YOU.

i can’t help but feel i should spend the rest of my life saying thank you.

but for now what  it comes down to is the decision i made yesterday. a decision i made before writing that post, before spilling my guts, before all the eyes in the photo world suddenly turned to me–

and its that i want to let people reading this blog know me. whether 5 of you are reading it or 5,000, i want you to come here and find something real. and i guess that means letting you all love me and hate me some too.

i hope you stick around.

lastly, here’s a song i’d like to dedicate from me to you, hot 9 at 9 – call in to your local radio station- style.

please listen. its an old fav of mine and i feel it speaks to all of us who are struggling.