planning ahead.

yup, i’m packing up my gear  into my junky red camera bag that used to be a bowling bag and is completely impractical because of its lack of compartments, and hitting the road this spirng/summer!

in a way it feels like saying, “i know where i’m not wanted! i’m going where the people love me!” followed by a dramatic door slam.

then when i think about the amazing families who have invited me into their home  territories to document the toes and faces and hugs of those that are most precious to them, i feel humbled and so, so grateful.

so here are the travel dates and locations for Spring 2012 family sessions:

Los Angeles, CA: March 1-3

San Diego: March: 5-6th

San Francisco: March:  7-8

Boise: May 16-19

Utah (provo-slc): May 23-26

NYC: June 1-4th (3rd is blacked out)

Now, here is the thing about booking a travel session with your old pal yan. i am trying to streamline and simplify. what does that mean? it means one flat rate due at the time of booking that covers my time, travel and a CD of the images we create with a fancy print release for you to print as and how you wish. that’s right, a pretty straight forward shoot and burn operation with no strings attached. in doing it this way, i can keep my costs lowerish for both me and you, and hopefully hold onto my sanity! please note that prices may vary somewhat between locations based on travel cost estimates.

so if you want to grab a session in your city during one of these times and want to konw the magic flat rate cost, please email me pronto!

photography.yan @gmail.com

or just click here:
Contact Yan

its first come first serve, and the doors are officially open, hooray! here’s to someone fighting over a slot the way two crazy ladies fight over a pair of boots at a clearance sale! (hey, a girl can dream right?)

not sure what i’m about and if my photography is right for your family? check out my best of 2011 families post here.

p.s. i’m really nice and you should hire me.

for a few days i felt famous!!

then like a villian!

then i was embarrassed!

then i remembered i liked myself, and what i stand for, and what i said!

it was an emotionally up and down few weeks (well technically, up, down, down, up)

but you know what didn’t change from one feeling to another? the why, how and what of  the story behind the blog post. people said what they wanted to say about it—and so many of you said such great things (thank you)—and some of you, not so great things (tears)–and i am {forced smile} totallllly okay with all of it, promise. *wink

but in case you want to hear a little bit more about what i was thinking and who i am, i would listen to this podcast with michael howard of musea:

http://blog.mymusea.com/post/16182413614

warning–its loooong, and well, its my voice. which can get a lil bit annoying. but its also really super cool that michael invited me to be on his podcast–and while you’re over in his territory, be sure to check out his blog, tons of useful and fascinating insights into this whole photography gig. the kind of stuff you haven’t thought of before.

then came podcast numero dose. which is also long, and which also features more of my voice! but not quite as much this time. in fact, i might venture to say you hear more from one very intelligent todd reichman on this one, who incidentally wasn’t a huge fan of my sick of it blog post, OR me..at first.  the podcast is  a fascinating discussion on branding, artistic intregrity, and whether or not art can or should sell itself. i walked away scheming on ways i can improve my business, and if you find yourself in a similar position as me with regard to hoping the phone will ring..annnnnytime now….i encourage you to give it a listen.

http://www.amantofish.com/2012/01/25/podcast_episode_4/

if you do find the time to tune in, i would love to hear your thoughts–like, mom, is my voice really that shrill in real life?

marty: (in that trippy place in between sleep and being awake–think heavy breathing)

me:  hey! i just made up another joke, you want to hear it?

marty:  ughhhoo

me: okay. what do you call a panda in a swimming pool?

marty: whaaaaaargggh?

……………….wait for it

me: a panda in a swimming pool! (insane, obnoxious laughter)

martin: (in spite of himself): hahahahahahahahahaha

me: i am totally winning!

martin: winning what? who are you playing against?

me: the panda!

martin: hahahahahahaha

me: see, i win again!

*we both fall asleep smiling

…….

what i love most about marriage is the silly nonsense. the ability to make the lamest joke in the world and be appreciated for it.  then the ability to follow that joke with something that makes absolutely no sense—to anyone but you and him. happy sigh.

what do you love most about marriage?

and speaking of marriage, i’m working on editing this loveliest of lovelies wedding:

when i found out i was pregnant, 2 days before my 1 year wedding anniversary, i cried. not happy tears. i clung to marty, terrified, and tried not to think about anything at all.

the next day i went on a run. we lived on oahu , and let me just tell you that sweating in hawaii feels like secreting sticky glue from your pores.  i ran my normal route to the end of laie point,  cursing the hawaii sun because i was so freaking hot.  i was so uncomfortable i started to worry. not about myself, about something else. then suddenly a feeling rushed through my chest,  shocking me and relieving me all at once.

love.

fierce, crazy love. a desire to do anything and everything to protect my baby. and i know this sounds incredibly dramatic, but the fact is, it was dramatic. the change was so night and day, i could hardly believe it myself. the fear i felt finding out i was pregnant was replaced by love and curiosity. what would it possibly be like to become a mother? it became something i definitely wanted to find out.

when i look at this post–that is waayyyy too long because  i suck at editing sometimes—when i look back at the families i photographed in 2011, that is what i think about. how family changes everything even when you don’t want it to. its a miracle and a curse, and its the most beautiful power i’ve ever witnessed.  it will always be my favorite thing to photograph.

p.s. can you find the one photo that was actually shot in 2010?

so.

much.

odd (odd but it makes you feel amazing, but you kinda know that in the long run it might not mean anything at all, actually)

recognition.

except my recognition was for sucking. ha. how ’bout that. not the way i’d always fantasized about a viral yan post going down, but it is what it is.

and your support?

has been incredible. beyond that. its been miraculous.

yeah i knew this business was hard. but i didn’t know my experience would resonate with so many-i didn’t know, didn’t want to think that so, so many of you were going through the same thing, or worse.

your words and support left me in a literal state of shock. i couldn’t eat yesterday. i couldn’t move from my couch. i couldn’t pay attention to my kids –okay, i probably could have and should have tried harder there to do so, but i’m making a point here—it just felt like every single last bit of me was engrossed in trying to wrap my mind around what was happening. and that meant i had to stay on my couch. glued to my computer.

for like 4 hours.

to me it went like this: i had blogged, i poured my guts out, i clicked post and in the first 3.7 minutes i began to question what i had done. wondered if it was as momentous as it felt, wondered if anyone would ever read it.

and i started to feel silly. and insecure.

but you did read it.

a lot of you did.

and you linked it.

you tweeted it.

*i realize i don’t really need to give you a recap here, but for the sake of flow, let’s keep going*

you reposted it.

and before i knew it i had 200 comments, an overflowing inbox, regards from south africa, hater posts written on the subject, and someone asking me to do a workshop in sweden.

yeah.

all of which made me feel a million times more silly  than i had in those first few minutes when i thought no one might read it at all.

silly and overwhelmingly grateful.

THANK YOU.

i can’t help but feel i should spend the rest of my life saying thank you.

but for now what  it comes down to is the decision i made yesterday. a decision i made before writing that post, before spilling my guts, before all the eyes in the photo world suddenly turned to me–

and its that i want to let people reading this blog know me. whether 5 of you are reading it or 5,000, i want you to come here and find something real. and i guess that means letting you all love me and hate me some too.

i hope you stick around.

lastly, here’s a song i’d like to dedicate from me to you, hot 9 at 9 – call in to your local radio station- style.

please listen. its an old fav of mine and i feel it speaks to all of us who are struggling.

well, i’m done.  this is a one woman operation on up in here ( though uncle marty would like to be acknowledged for all of his behind the scenes contributions and mad second shooting skillz), and imma bout to own it.

its not that i don’t want to sound fancy. and its not that i hate those of you out there who are doing exactly what i just described in the paragraph above. its just that i’m tired. i’m so so so so tired. i’ve always prided myself on being a real person, who engages in real conversation, with other similarly sincere people. and to tell you , to even imply, that i’m sitting pretty over here, raking it in with inquiries, and clients, and money money money, and all things related to success….

would be a

big

fat

lie.

because we, ahem, at yan photography are struggling. and we are waiting for our phone to ring, and we are doing everyhing we can think of to get our name out there in a new market and a new state, and we are still only averaging about one freaking inquiry a week. to which we promptly get the response that we are too expensive.

and you know what i want to tell people? that behind that we is a me. a woman. a mother of three, with a husband in grad school. pinching and compromising to make ends meet. who can’t afford to put her daughters in dance, or piano lessons, or the gosh darn school play which cost $250 (WHAT THE CRAP, RIGHT?!!!). a me who’s bills are piling up so high, she feels overwhelmed and tearful every second of every day.

i want to tell them that i’ve worked hard at this. that i’m good. that i’m different. that i see beauty in the mundane, and can distill delicacy from the clumsy movements of a toddler with the way i wield my lens. i want to yell, look at me! notice me! i’m here, and i’ll be a crazy good time on your wedding day, not to mention provide you with pictures that will make you cry as they remind you over and over again, what is good and real and important in life.

sigh.

but i can’t force anyone to hire me. try as i might, i can’t put their– or should i say, your, money in my pockets. i can’t make you love my art. so i’m doing what i can. i’m creating. and i’m getting real. i’m stripping away all the pre-conceived notions of what success is and what it isn’t. i can show you who i am, because  i’m  here at the bottom and i have nothing to lose. and really, that’s what i should have been showing you all along.

oh yes, this is going to be a fun year.

and one last thing. a request really. if you’ve thought of hiring me but have been holding off. if you want to book a family session but you’re in boise or utah, or somewhere other than Denver, Colorado (where i am right now in case you missed it). if you are getting married, and i’m your dream photographer (hahaha), but you just know i’m out of your budget.

please,

write me. you might be thinner in six months, but your kids are growing up NOW.  we can set up dates and multiple sessions for a boise or utah trip in the srping. we can take a look at your wedding budget and see if its possible to work something out.

because i want to know you, and i want to work with you.

and because,

i’m desperate.

has any photographer written those words online, publicly? EVER? no?  well, its true.  i don’t want to false advertise, i won’t give away the farm just yet. and i’m not going to sell my soul or anything. but i’m at a point where i’m willing to do a ‘lil bending and compromising. not too much, but a little. also, i’m good. really good. and you want to work with me too.

i think.

i hope.

yeah, you do.

are some of you thinking i’m commiting business suicide right now?

yes.

am i?

quite possibly. all i know for sure, though is that i’m getting real and i’m being honest.

so bring it on 2012, bring it on. and seriously?

call me.

Contact Yan

i hope you enjoy this sampling of wedding images from the last year. there were so many that got left out, and it breaks my heart! but i have to edit myself somewhere right? if you’re reading this blog, please know that i appreciate you, i care for you, i might even love you. one thing is for certain, i wouldn’t be where i am with out you.

thanks for looking.

well, it seems like its been ages since i mentioned i was offering mentoring and an on line option was in the works. i’ve finally decided to make it a reality, and will now, for a limited time be offering on line mentoring sessions with yours truly. the sessions will be 4 hours long via skype or gmail video chat, whichever you fancy, and they will be jam packed with learning, including a super honest and straightforward, no holds barred portfolio review. to get the full scoop, including pricing info and topics we cover, please email me at photography.yan@gmail.com. these spaces will be very limited, so if you are interested, please contact me soon. can’t wait to meet some of you crazies out there!

or by golly, just click on the download for info, and email me if you have questions or would like to secure your spot!

download the online mentoring info here!

i would have died if it had gone to someone i hated or who’s work i did not respect. i don’t know what that says about me or my character, but there it is.

and look! he even painted the walls to give it a fresh new look and it really makes it his own.

i’m also pretty happy justin was nice enough to let me use it when i rolled back into town. otherwise i wouldn’t have gotten to connect with this special family.

a few things worth noting: this mom is also a talented photographer and film shooter. this mom didn’t want her picture taken. but she humored me. and i am so, so, so glad she did.  because she is honestly one of the most in tune and talented mothers i have ever met. and that deserves to be captured.